Chats and spats
CHAT GROUPS online are formed to keep abreast of what’s going on that is of common interest. These may be extended families, classmates in high school, a civic club, or associates at work. News of relevance to the group is shared. Sayings too are routinely posted, (Failures are lessons to be learned in life’s journey.) along with comic sketches, or videos like the arrest of a high-profile individual. (Don’t touch him.)
What about opinions on politics and religion? Is this also part of chatty exchanges? Can such fraught positions descend into name-calling (You have the brain of a tsetse fly.) and hasty exits from a chat group?
The easy rhythm of a simple chat is evident in a person-to-person setting. The body language is relaxed. There is no interruption of the person who is speaking. An attentive demeanor is evident, the body even leans forward to catch each word. A conversation tends to be quiet, occasionally punctuated with laughter and a slapping of the thighs, his or hers.
Debates are spats often unresolved as neither side is willing to wave the white flag — you’re right. (What was I thinking?) Verbal clashes attempt to score points off the adversary, challenge an opinion expressed as fake news, positions badly thought through and full of logical holes, all meriting derision if not outright contempt. (Take a cold shower.)
Spats start by taking a position, say — was the detention of a person at the airport an arrest or a kidnapping? (No ransom note?) Two sides argue, give their researched information supporting one position or the other, and post biased opinions to make their case. Noisy dissent and interruptions are routine. Agreeing with the other side, rather than reducing his words to absurdity and eroding their relevance, is seldom an option.
Getting entangled in a debate can lead to distress, even a headache. Exiting a chat group does not entail any slamming doors, just a small note — Mr. X has left the group. Don’t expect him to come back anytime soon.
Conversation, while referring to speech, really entails listening. A view is expressed and allowed to develop. The other person adds to the appreciation of the topic, giving a different perspective or providing a new insight. There is head-nodding — Hey, I never thought of it that way. Conversation allows some disagreement, even as it respects a different point of view and continues to be civil.
It is hard to like an opinionated person. Still, this predictability (say, a rabid dislike of the sitting president of another country) allows conversation to be distracted, and flow to other streams like the effect of art auctions on the rise of the contemporary artists.
Much harder is a discourse with an argumentative verbal bully. There is no subject to hide behind as each topic is challenged with a contrary point of view. It is even possible that the view being expressed is the one previously held but just because the same opinion is now being embraced by the other, an opposite view is immediately taken. If you’re white, then I’m black.
Chats and spats use different kinds of thinking.
Daniel Kahneman in his new book, Thinking, Fast and Slow, describes fast thinking as “system one” which is basically intuitive and requiring no analysis, like when you find a woman attractive without knowing the details of why. (Is it her tattoo?) Googling a map or figuring out the subway system of Paris on your first visit is “system two” thinking, rational, logical, and requiring methodical analysis.
Conversation which is intuitive and flowing clashes with the pugnacious tenacity of debate which thinks up of arguments and logical thrusts. Words and arguments need to have a logical direction, even if misguided.
Is a chat group worth joining when it descends into name-calling and personal insults? (I know you’re a stooge for fake news.) Efforts by third parties to distract the pugilists with photos of women volleyball players in beach attire don’t always work.
It’s possible to restore levity and camaraderie in the chats with birthday greetings to designated celebrants… as well as condolences for the family of a recently departed.
Tony Samson is chairman and CEO of TOUCH xda
