Filipinos seek divorce for another shot at love

By Luisa Maria Jacinta C. Jocson, Reporter

MARIE O. RIVERA, a 35-year-old legal intake specialist, wants to end her marriage but can’t due to the lengthy and costly legal process in the Philippines.

“Not everyone is lucky enough to be in a marriage that’s ideal and will surely last a lifetime,” she said in a Facebook Messenger chat. “While everyone dreams of marrying their Prince Charming, there are people like me who thought they had met their knight in shining armor only to find out he was actually a devil in disguise.”

There is no divorce in the Philippines, but marriages can be ended in the predominantly Catholic nation through annulment. Couples can get legally separated, but they can’t remarry.

Ms. Rivera eloped at 16 and got married four years later. She got separated after six years, taking her two kids with her.

“I was too young and naive. I thought he was the one, but he turned out to be a monster. I have been beaten, abused physically, mentally, emotionally, name it. I almost died by his own hand.”

She remains married to him because getting their union annulled is too expensive.

“Annulment is the answer but sadly, I don’t have hundreds of thousands of pesos,” Ms. Rivera said. “Annulment is expensive, while legal separation won’t let you find love again.”

A recent survey by the OCTA Research Group showed that 51% of Filipinos frown at legalizing divorce. The Philippines and Vatican City are the only countries left in the world without a divorce law.

A House of Representatives committee in March approved a divorce bill, while a Senate body approved a counterpart measure in September — the closest the Philippines has come to passing the measure since the Family Code was enacted in 1987.

Under the measure, spouses may seek absolute divorce based on several grounds, including five years of separation whether continuous or broken, rape by a spouse before or after marriage and irreconcilable differences.

AJ Alfafara, co-founder of Divorce Pilipinas Coalition, said a divorce law honors human and civil rights. “It is vital for our mental health and for the future of our children to have options that can save them from violence or traumatic relationships that were sealed by a legal document.”

Oliver M. Zorilla, a lawyer, said divorce could be easier than annulment.

“The nullity of marriage is based on psychological incapacity, which supposedly is a medical condition,” he said by telephone. “Divorce is an agreement of the parties. It’s shorter and faster. It’s also cheaper.”

Under the Family Code of 1987, a marriage may be annulled if it was solemnized without parental consent or either spouse was incompetent or forced to wed. The inability of a spouse to consummate the marriage and contracting a sexually transmitted disease are also grounds.

In 2021, the Philippine Supreme Court ruled that psychological incapacity need not be proven through the testimony of a psychologist or psychiatrist.

‘ANTI-FAMILY’Advocates like Ms. Alfafara said Filipinos should be educated about the benefits of divorce.

“We can help debunk and destigmatize divorce by posting stories about it,” she said. “People should understand that divorce is a solution.”

“If they legislate divorce, politicians need the support of the Catholic Church and the people,” Mr. Zorilla added.

An article by the United Nations Entity for Gender Equality and the Empowerment of Women said the right to divorce not only requires a change of laws, but also a change of mindset toward gender equality.

“A predominantly Christian nation, the Philippines faces significant pushback against divorce bills,” it said. “Anti-divorce advocates are wary of the practice of trivializing the institution of marriage and see it as anti-family and detrimental to children.”

Timothy Laws, a board adviser of Alliance for the Family Foundation Philippines, Inc., is one of those people.

“Legalization of divorce would have a much greater effect on the Filipino family and society than is commonly recognized,” he said in an e-mail. “Legalized divorce works to abolish marriage as it has been understood historically, and particularly in our society.”

Spouses could easily end their marriage with little to no warning, similar to what’s happening in western countries, Mr. Laws said. “The possibility that either of the spouses can initiate the breakup at any time does not make marriage more attractive to people who consider entering it,” he added.

Expensive legal fees are also not a valid reason to legalize divorce, Mr. Laws said. “If legal separation is too difficult and too expensive, the remedy is to make it less difficult and less expensive, rather than to tear apart the existing structure of our society by legalizing divorce.”

The same applies to annulment, he added.

He also cited the effects of divorce on children’s physical and mental being, their education, employment and predisposition to crime, addiction and violence. Divorce “perpetuates harm through generations,” Mr. Laws said.

Kenneth Joseph Onda, an Order of Augustinian Recollects priest, said the Catholic Church views divorce as a “grave offense against natural law.”

“I am against divorce because it is not just a mistake but a grievous sin against God’s commandment,” he said in a Viber message.

Still, Mr. Onda said a wife should leave her abusive husband to protect herself. “We don’t advise that a woman should stay in such an abusive situation and wait for her husband to kill her.”

A study by the Philippine Statistics Authority last year showed that 17.5% of Filipino women aged 15 to 49 years have experienced some form of physical, sexual and emotional violence from their partners.

Ms. Rivera, the legal specialist, said divorce would help her get another shot at love.

“Your life should not stop with you being married to the wrong person,” she said. “I hope everyone gets a second chance at marriage — to be with the person who will appreciate and love you.”