Thoughts on learning
It may take a long time to process and to reach the point of awakening — when we discover what is important in life, which is the value of creating, giving, contributing.
Happiness and abundance come from sharing.
As one reflect on thoughts written more than a decade ago, we realize that they are so true.
We realize that it is time to stop hoping and waiting for someone or something to change. Happiness, safety, and security may not come galloping over the next horizon.
“You come to terms with the fact that there aren’t fairy-tale endings (or beginnings) and that any guarantee of ‘happily ever after’ must begin with you,” wrote Sonny Carroll. “So, you begin making your way through the ‘reality of today’ rather than holding out for the ‘promise of tomorrow.’”
All of us have been subjected to a lifetime of social conditioning — on appearances and behavior. We have the wrong notion that we must live up to a certain standard to be acceptable. The social pressure is there — the look, style and fashion, weight, job, car, home, partner, children. Media (traditional and social) reinforces it.
We are sometimes trapped by consumerism. It’s all about accumulating, obtaining, and having the “in” thing, or the “it” person. The consumer fix from buying the latest gadget, that newest status symbol, is just a passing “high.” The novelty wears off after a while.
Then one seeks another object to get a new “high.”
It takes maturity to realize that one is not perfect and cannot have everything.
People will not always love, appreciate, or approve of whatever we do. One must take a long, close look in the harsh mirror of reality.
When one learns to accept certain things and be content with whatever one has, it is possible to achieve a sense of serenity.
It is necessary to reassess and redefine the self and what one believes in. We should not be influenced too much by what others say we should believe in. They are entitled to their opinion.
A sense of confidence is born of self-approval.
A process of sifting through the doctrines is necessary. There are old habits, notions, and ways of thinking and doing that we have to unlearn. We must discard those things (and people) that are toxic or no longer relevant. Only the essential values should be kept.
There is joy in giving rather than accumulating and obtaining. Contentment comes from creating and contributing.
The lesson here is gratitude for all the blessings, big and small, that millions on earth do not have but wish they could have. Among them: a safe home, food, clean running water, access to medicines and education. Above all, we have peace, freedom of choice, and the opportunity to pursue our dreams.
Loving and caring of the self means avoiding self-destructive behavior and dysfunctional relationships. A balanced lifestyle and diet with plenty of water and regular exercise.
It has been said that fatigue drains the spirit, and the body needs rest. Laughter is very good for both mental, emotional and physical health.
One needs to play and relax.
We learn, over the years, about love and relationships.
How to love and how much to give. When to walk away. When to control grieving. (Grief never really vanishes. It strikes when there is an occasion or a trigger.)
We are exposed to insincere and fake “friends.” We get hurt by unreliable, toxic people and situations. Avoidance is necessary. It is a self-protection and care.
Then, we must control the Ego — to acknowledge and diffuse destructive emotions such as anger, jealousy, envy, and resentment.
Humility is a quality we should cultivate. We must be able to say, “I was wrong.” In the same manner, we must forgive people and build bridges, and remove walls. Good communication is important for enhancing relationships.
We must distinguish between guilt and responsibility.
We set boundaries and know how to say “NO.”
We should see people as they are and not project qualities that are not there. They grow and change. Real love is one that is given freely without conditions and limitations.
One should stop looking for guarantees. Change happens slowly or suddenly. One must conquer fear and deal with the unexpected.
Solitude does not mean being lonely. It is a joyful discovery — to spend time with oneself. It leads to a deepening spirituality, healing and growth.
Maria Victoria Rufino is an artist, writer and businesswoman. She is president and executive producer of Maverick Productions.
